30 Stories in 30 Days #28 – “Can’t Hack It”

Can’t Hack It

When Sue returned home from work, she found her fiancé sitting on the couch with a glazed look on his face.  She sat down next to him and asked, “Where are you?”

After a moment, he slowly replied, “I don’t know.” Shaking his head, he looked over at her and said, “I’ve told you about Rob from work, right?”

She nodded.  “Yeah.”

“We were talking today and he told me he had watched this really stupid movie over the weekend, Trees of Death.”


“You know, the classic story of a scientist blending animal DNA with that of trees so they’d be more resilient to insects and diseases, only to have the trees – now able to run across the landscape – develop a taste for human blood.”

Sue laughed.  “Oh, that classic story.”

“Is there any other?” Mike asked with a smirk.  “But he told me how stupid it was and he said that I probably couldn’t write something that bad.”

“I don’t know about that.”

Mike glared at Sue who only replied with an innocent smile.

Mike sighed and said, “But I’ve been thinking about it, and I believe he might be right.”

“How so?”

“Well, I don’t know if you know this about me or not, but if I’m watching a movie and I see something that’s stupid, I have a hard time keeping quiet about it.”

Sue groaned.  She then smiled and said, “Really?  I never noticed.”

Mike pinched her arm.  “Perhaps I should demonstrate.  Let me go grab The Phantom Menace.”

“Nooo!” Mike had made to stand up, but Sue grabbed him and pulled him back to the couch.  “I love you,” she told him, “but it does have limits.”

Mike laughed.  “Now imagine me trying to write something like that?  I would be cursing myself so much I wouldn’t be able to finish it.”

“Well, you’ll never know until you try,” Sue said with a grin.

After a moment’s thought, Mike asked, “Do you really want to see me try to write something bad, just to see me ranting and raving at myself?”

Patting his leg, Sue said, “Maybe it’s best to just assume you can’t hack it.”

“In more ways than one.” Mike grinned and kissed her forehead.

One Response to “30 Stories in 30 Days #28 – “Can’t Hack It””

  1. When I was in college, I started writing a novel about a writer’s decent into madness. I had all these crazy ideas for it, and I was biting off more than I could chew, so I didn’t get that far into it. But one aspect of it, was that if his novels were made into movies they would have ended up on Mystery Science Theater 3000. I had given some titles to his novels, and I thought, wouldn’t it be funny if I wrote short stories with these titles? So I wrote a story titled “Uranian Vampire Babes.” And let me tell you, trying to write something bad, is really tough. At one point I had to rewrite a bit so there would be a plot hole in it.
    That was years ago, but it all came back as I wrote this story. Originally, Mike was going to tell Sue about a story he had written for a college course and how – at the last minute – he discovered a plot hole in it. This was to be part of the reason he hated plot holes so much. But after two attempts to write a description of a story with a plot hole, I found it too difficult. Trying to write things bad just doesn’t seem to work in my head. Things may come out bad, but that’s another issue.

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