30 Stories in 30 Days #26 – “Idiot 2.0”

Idiot 2.0

Swiveling around in his chair, Mike announced, “I need an idiot.”

His fiancée Sue lowered the book she was reading and replied, “You’ll want to choose your next words very carefully.”

Laughing, Mike stood and walked to the couch.  He sat down next to her and explained, “I’m working on my, as yet, untitled story, and one of the characters is a bit of an idiot.  But I’m having a hell of a time trying to write his dialogue.  I either make him sound completely brain dead, or there’s a subtle joke in it; something he would never think of, it’s just my genius showing through.”

Sue coughed.  Smiling, she said, “Sorry.  You were saying.”

Mike nudged her with his elbow.  “They say you’re supposed to listen to people’s conversations to hear how people really talk, but I’ve usually avoided idiots.”

Sue shrugged.  “Listen to talk radio.”

Rubbing his chin, Mike said, “I think that’s more the brain dead area.”

“Well, I’m sure you could find tons of videos of idiots on YouTube.”

“Hmmm.” Mike thought for a moment.

Sue waited a bit, then added, “Of course, most of them are probably politicians.”

“What we need,” Mike finally said, “is an idiot app.”

“A what?”

“Hear me out,” Mike said.  “What you’d have, is instead of a database filled with facts and correct information, you’d just have a smaller database filled with stupid stuff.  You could type in the situation, like, they’re going to meet the Queen of England, what would an idiot say in this situation?  And it pops back with ….”

Sue jammed her elbow into his ribs.  “I will not,” she explained, “make a suggestion so you can joke that I’m your idiot app.”

Rubbing his side, Mike said, “Damn.  I was hoping to trick you into that one.”

With a terrible Yogi Bear impersonation, Sue stated, “I’m smarter than your average idiot.”

“Are you saying you’re a higher class of idiot?”

Sue glared at him for a moment, then asked, “Who’s the bigger idiot, the person who will be sleeping in a nice comfy bed tonight, or the person sleeping on the couch?”

Mike rubbed her back and with a smile said, “You don’t need to sleep on the couch on my account.”

Sue’s glared hardened for a second, and then she grinned.  Opening her book back up she said, “And here I thought you were having problems with an idiot’s dialogue.”

One Response to “30 Stories in 30 Days #26 – “Idiot 2.0””

  1. Several years ago, I was thinking about the old saying that once you idiot-proof something, they’ll just make a better class of idiot. I thought about this for a bit, and I came up with “Idiot 2.0.” I had no idea for a story to go with it, but I thought it was a good title. So I jotted it down, and the other day I came across it while looking for story ideas to finish out my Challenge. I started thinking about it again and I wondered why – because of the 2.0 – would anyone need an idiot program. Maybe I’m just on a writing streak, but the first thing that came to mind was a program writers could use to write realistic idiotic dialogue.

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